Dear Fanfiction Authors
by Joyous Red Gummy Bear
Summary: A series of letters from the Harry Potter characters that addresses the 'serious inaccuracies' that fanfiction authors write. Humor. Some semi-nasty language and topics. So far: letters from Remus and Sirius.
1. Remus

**Had an idea. Thought it would be funny. Let me know what you think.**

Dear Fanfiction Authors-

I, Remus John Lupin, would like to let all of you know that you are making a complete and utter joke out of me and I would like for you all to stop. You should commend me for purposing this wonderful idea in the form of a very polite and formal letter. In case you were wondering, my first idea was to storm across the various continents, track you all down one by one, and very forcefully imply that I wanted you to stop.

But I didn't.

You should be _very _happy.

My first topic of complant has to do with how girly you all are making me seem. I was reading one story where I broke down crying because James just _looked _at me with anger. Seriously? I am NOT that wimpy. And what is with having me reading all these muggle romance novels? _Pride and Prejudice? _Come on! I read that book and let me tell you, it is most definitely not my favorite book. Far too girly. How about you choose something a bit more masculine, for example: _Darcula, Frankenstien, _anything from Steven King, anything BUT _Pride and Prejudice _and any other book in that similar genre. Far too sappy for my taste... I AM MAN! HEAR ME ROAR!

*Clears throat* Moving on.

My second point of complaint has to do with this whole weird concept of me having some wolf alter-ego inside of me. Really? I wasn't pathetic enough for you guys that you had to add an animal personality that seems to find it fun to argue with me?... No. Just no. Other than the fact that I am forcefully turned into a wolf once a month (don't EVEN getting me started with all the jokes about '_my monthly'! _*growls angerily*), other than the once a month wonderings in wolf form, I can assure you that I am no more wolf than any one of you out there. There is no little wolf inside of me wanting to be dominant over everyone, whispering profanic comments to me, and telling me to go hump some girl because I need a 'mate'. No. The entire idea is stupid. Entirely ludicrous.

My third, and most important topic of complant, is the fact that many of you have me gay. GAY! _**GAY!** _And if that wasn't bad enough, you have me doing it with my best friends. EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! How could I ever find Sirius attractive? He may be good-looking and has really nice hair and can be intelligent once every few months and has really really distracting eyes and that attractive toned-up build that only Quidditch player can achieve... but that's all besides the point! The point is I AM STRAIGHT! COMEPLETELY STRAIGHT! I DO NOT PLAY FOR THAT TEAM! MY DOOR DOES NOT TURN THAT WAY! I AM NOT ON THAT SIDE OF THE RIVER! I DON'T SIT AT THAT PARTY TABLE! **I AM STRAIGHT! **And married! To a woman! With a kid! What is Teddy supposed to think, growing up with all these naughty stories about me and Sirius floating around on the web? Poor kid will be scarred and I won't be there to explain to him that they are lies. My poor Teddy... I AM NOT GAY!

...Sirius on the other hand... I had always wondered about him... I mean, he never settled down, let alone stuck with a girl for very long. I had an excuse; I was a werewolf. Where is Sirius' excuse?... If you want to write gay love stories, do it with Sirius, even if he is straight (and I'm not completely sure he is) he will get a big laugh out of it. Just leave me out! No more Remus/Sirius porn, I beg of you! *shudders*

Well, that is all I have to complain about, really. All I ask is that you make me more manly, stop giving me multiple personalities, and stop with the gay porn. That's not that much to ask.

Sincerely,

Remus Lupin

**Review and let me know what you think. I may make this into a series of letters from different characters if I get enough feed back. Let me know and make suggestions if you want.**


	2. Sirius

**So, after some encouraging feedback concerning writing more letters, I decided to make it a series of letters from Harry Potter characters. However, these letters will only come when I have the muse to write them. The one is from Sirius. Enjoy.**

Dear Fanfiction Authors,

I, Sirius Black, would like to commend you on your absolutely hysterical portrayal of my dear friend Remus Lupin. The stories you all have come up with have often sent me into such fits of laughter that I am forced to weep with hilarity. You should have seen how your stories affected Moony, the poor guy was fidgeting everywhere he went and would randomly yell things like 'Stupid!', 'Girly!', and 'I'M NOT GAY!' everywhere he went. Oh, Moony... poor poor Moony... it's okay, no one minds that sercretly you have the hots for me, most people do, you're not alone. You can join the clud, they have badges and everything...

He was rather angry when I told him this, though I have no idea why. Then he ran off mumbling something about a letter...

So! I thought I would congratulate you on pushing Moony's buttons (and in some cases, undoing them in very naughty naughty ways). I personally intercepted the letter he wrote to the lot of you and it once again had me in hysterics. Awww, Moons... you really are in denial. And you over react. No one judges you for reading girly novels, really, they sort of expect it from you, actually.

I do however, have one slight problem I would like to pick with you, a problem that was raised to my attention whilst I read dear Moony's letter. He mentioned the fact that you all had written dirty, naughty stories about me and my best mates, particaularly the earilier mentioned, utterly furious, werewolf.

Intrigued, I did my research (I am nothing if not thorough in everything that I do), and even though the nasty nasty stories that you wrote were written with great skill, I must object to them. I do not find dear Moons to be the least bit attractive. Nope. Not a bit. Not even a little. None, none, none! Uno none-o! Uh-uh! No.

I am also not gay. I should probably clear that up. I, Sirius Black, am not gay. Open to strange experiences? Yes. But not gay. I am a stud, a free spirit, I got fire in my viens that no one woman (and most definitly NOT a man) can ever tame. I am a wild mustang, a stag (tee-hee! James.) that will never be caught. I am Sirius Black and no woman can ever hold me down. In short, I haven't settled down, not because I'm gay, but rather because why would I want to settle down? Commitment? Responsility? KIDS? Mmm... I'll pass.

Now that I cleared that terrible, nasty rumor up, I would enjoy it if you stopped writing yucky stories about me and Moons doing things that most people should not be reading about. I have noticed that you have heeded Moony's request to stop since there has been a considerable drop in gay porn involving Moons, and I am glad that you lot are reasonable. However, with the drop in Moony porn, I have noticed a rise in Padfoot porn, and not all of them are with girls. Thus, I finally reach the point of this letter. I would like to personally ask you all to heed my request and stop writting those nasty nasty stories. It offends me. And James keeps teasing me. I CANNOT handle Prongs' teasing. It angers me. And makes me whine like a little kid which only makes him tease me more. Go write nasty nastys about someone else, just leave Padsy out.

So please, stop making me and my poor friend Moony angry with your inaccuracies concerning our sexual prefrences. I would appriacate it most greatle-y ( I don't even think that's a word), You see, I would appriciate it so much that I make up new words for it.

Sincerly,

Sirius Padfoot Black

**So, let me know what you think. Review! Please. Let me know if you have some ideas on future letters, because at the moment, I really am out of ideas. Just throw them my way and let me know what you think.**


	3. IMPORTANT TO ALL!

**No, this isn't another hilarity filled chapter, instead this is an IMPORTANT message to all fanfiction users that EVERYONE SHOULD READ! Feel free to add this to your own stories, or message me to add your names.**

**Posted 6/6/12**

This is actually about how Fanfiction is deleting stories with too much sex or violence. Fanfiction will be losing a lot of readers and authors if this happens. Please take the time read what is below and if you don't have a story that you can post this petition as a chapter too, just PM me if you want your name added to the list. I'll be more than happy to oblige.

Greetings to the fine folk that moderate our site.

Myself, along with many, have been writing and posting on your fine site for years now, some of the better examples of up and coming writers out there are now suddenly finding some of the stories we've come to love at risk of being removed without the chance to even rectify our errors.

For some, that means the permanent loss of a story. While I don't have anything that I believe violates your terms of use, there are those out there that are never able to recover a story in its original form, this is something I find to be almost worthy of a legal action, as while we cannot claim ownership of a character, the stories are OURS and simply destroying them is something that is inexcusable.

It's quite easy to simply add an MA rating, additional filters or even a simple requirement for a free membership to read the stories presented here, and would cut down on hateful anonymous reviews and posts at the same time, so I have to question as to why such a thing, in all this time, simply wasn't added.

If you're worried about falsification of a registration then have an appropriate disclaimer and then there can be no dispute, you took your steps and the PARENTS didn't monitor their children, if that is even your concern. If it is more of a personal view or desire then please at least let people know and give them a chance to remove a story that you and yours find offensive, most people on the site are actually rather cordial when it comes to such requests.

While I cannot say for sure if this letter will even reach those that may be willing to listen, of if it's more akin to a wide spectrum purge in preparation for something bigger, please understand that you are going to be losing a LARGE number of your writers, and thus your income from a lack of readers if there is not some level of action taken to help with this situation.

For those that may agree with this, please feel free to sign on and send this to the support server, maybe we can get some movement on this.

Psudocode_Samurai

Rocketman1728

dracohalo117

VFSNAKE

Agato the Venom Host

Jay Frost

SamCrow

Blood Brandy

Dusk666

Hisea Ori

The Dark Graven

BlackRevenant

Lord Orion Salazar Black

Sakusha Saelbu

Horocrux

socras01

Kumo no Makoto

Biskoff

Korraganitar the NightShadow

NightInk

Lazruth

ragnrock kyuubi

SpiritWriterXXX

Ace6151

FleeingReality

Harufu

Exiled crow

Slifer1988

Dee Laynter

Angeldoctor

Final Black Getsuga

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Fenris187

blood enraged

arashiXnoXkami

Masane Amaha's King

Blueexorist

Nero Angelo Sparda

Sharkteeth

DAPC

Kyuubi16

bunji the wolf

EternalKnight219

Wolvenstrom

donalgraeme

Rin O' Gen

Fuyutaro son

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chaos-bardock

Leafy8765

Philip Ontakos

tamys

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angelbeets

juia

DirkSamuelsMusicTheory

Rin O' Gen

Blood Shifter2

Plague's Vengeance

Eva Sirico

Bri P

SeverusSnape18

Cheerfully Blue

Joyous Red Gummy Bear

suzi1811

If you could do what some other authors have done and post this petition as a temporary new chapter on some of your stories to help spread the word? It would help a lot it's how I found out about this.


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